


Awakenings

by koi_ling



Series: Nothing Is Gonna Take You from My Side [5]
Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, HAHAHHAlet'saddmoretagsugh, Horny Teenagers, Kinda, M/M, Masturbation, One-Sided Attraction, Underage Sex, Voice Kink, confused feels and a lot of messy things that we can't really explain or name, confused teenargers and confused hormones, everything is fucked up, horny yet not so teenagers, jesus save me anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-11 08:50:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7884628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koi_ling/pseuds/koi_ling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>awakening<br/> (əˈweɪkənɪŋ; əˈweɪknɪŋ)<br/><i>n</i><br/>the start of a feeling or awareness in a person</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. twelve years old

There have been moments when Seungyoon thought he would have a better life without Mino, but never as much as right now. He can’t believe Mino messed up with those bullies of third year – he, a freshman!, a major idiot, a brainless massive talker, the spot of dirt on a new t-shirt, the annoying hole at the seams of a sock –

“Stop blabbering and fucking RUN, KANG SEUNGYOON”, Mino yells at him and Seungyoon would cuss at loud if he wasn’t breathless already. He’s wheezing, really, but no way he’ll get caught for something he didn’t do.

The only thing he’s at fault is being Song Mino’s best friend. Actually, that would be easily overlooked if it wasn’t that Mino was at his side when he committed _the_ crime.

Calling them out – for something right, to tell the truth, because they were bothering a girl in Seungyoon’s class and that’s been irking Seungyoon since the beginning –, calling them rotten bastards right in the middle of the school courtyard, like he’s some sort of Superman or Iron Man or whatever he thinks he is.

Just that he’s Song Mino. No super power to protect him or money to buy his own armature. And Kang Seungyoon is the miserable best (mortal) friend dragged to the pit of hell just because.

So here they are, literally running for their lives. Through narrow streets, past small bazaars and empty intersections, across a playground where heedless kids are playing.

Seungyoon feels a stab of pain at his left hip and truly wants to kill Mino with his own two hands, so this whole thing will end in the best of ways for everyone, but Mino has no intention to die today. He yells at Seungyoon once more and turns to catch his hand in his own sweaty one.

“Let’s hide, I can’t run for shit”.

“You can’t live for shit”, Seungyoon mutters out of breath, but still follows him in the first small alley they find.

“Stop complaining, you nagger, or they’ll find us”, Mino shuts him up with a hardly gentle hand on his mouth. He pulls him behind a parked car, their bodies all cramped in the narrow gap between the wall and the car door.

Seungyoon tries to wiggle out from his hold, but the more he moves the more Mino grips at him. He quiets when they hear footsteps approaching, clinging on Mino instinctively. One of the guys is talking at loud, complaining about them. “These fuckers… they’re still young, fucking freshmen, running like that”.

“You should quit smoking, hyung”.

“Those chickens, they think we would punch them to death if we catch them”.

Someone else laughs like the guy has just said something incredibly funny and Seungyoon snuggles toward Mino, a little closer, hoping that if they make themselves small enough no one will notice. He’s so gonna kill Mino, but just later, when these thugs are far away. It’s a matter of principles: no one should lay their hands on his best friend but him.

Everything is more intense as adrenaline kicks in: the waiting feels like hours, each second stretched to its limit as fear pumps hard and fast into his veins. Seungyoon doesn’t know how they ended up so incredibly close, Mino’s hand still pressed over his mouth as Seungyoon’s arms are circled around his back, but he knows that it’s something that makes him feel… weird.

His whole focus shifts from the loud voices in the background to Mino – the strong scent of sweat, pungent and almost intoxicating, the soft and damp palm against his lips, brushing, pushing, so different from his skinny hardened ones; Mino’s long eyelashes that he hasn’t noticed until now, so black and thick that they cast shadows on his eyes, Mino’s stare on him, full of worries he can’t speak at loud.

Seungyoon suddenly wants to break free from that hug, feeling like he’s too exposed, too naked in front of that pair of eyes, but Mino keeps him there. And Seungyoon knows he has a reason for doing so, something completely unrelated to what is troubling him, but he can’t help that sensation inside his belly, curling in his stomach in unfamiliar ways, reminding him of something he’s started experiencing only recently.

A throb about his crotch explains all. It’s something he’s trying to get used to, a transition that happens to everyone around his age, but that everyone lives in their own way. It feels like there is no one who can understand the atrocity of all those changes, of growing up, of surges and desires that weren’t there a year ago.

Mino turns his head to look beyond the car and digs his fingers a little further into Seungyoon’s back. It wouldn’t matter, usually, they’re both used to touches, and hugs, and everything friends do together. But Seungyoon’s feels trapped by his trousers, tight around his growing hard-on, as well as Mino’s hands, so nonchalantly intrusive.

So he shoves him away. He doesn’t care if they get caught, he needs to get out from there. Mino is surprised by such harshness and falls backward, and Seungyoon lurches forward, without even checking if the other students are still there, running so fast it might seem like devils are at his heels. (Seungyoon thinks they are, hidden in the shape of what he has just felt for his best friend)

He runs so hard it hurts, every muscle strained for the exertion, his lungs burning and his left hip troubling him, twinges of pain taking his breath away every few steps. He hides like a coward, seeking the darkness of his room, and once he’s there he crashes down on his bed, sweat and bitterness surrounding him.

His breath is still laboured as he thinks of Mino again and his hand slips under his clothes, circling his hard-on. _Mino, Mino, Mino_ – he can be annoying and too clingy, but he’s also warm, his eyes are dark and big and always honest, and he has the best smile, soft and sincere. Seungyoon hurts, somewhere deep inside, for something he doesn’t understand. He gets hard, once more, thinking of Mino’s scent, smelling like a kid just starting to grow up; Mino’s soft hands against his mouth, how he could have kissed his palm a thousand times – _Mino_.

His hand is rough and eerily cold against his warm cock, fingers unbending and inexpert around its base. He tugs at it few times, tentatively rubbing the whole length with his hand – it’s too dry and that dampens the pleasure, so he spits on his palm before jerking himself again.

It doesn’t take him long to come – he frenetically thrusts into his fist while he thinks of Mino, sloppy and a little too rushed, and ends in a white unknown wave of pleasure. The orgasm takes his breath away, but this time it’s just for the pleasure. His hand is weirdly warm and sticky and an exasperated chuckle rumbles in his chest, before Seungyoon closes his eyes with weariness and sighs at loud.

It’s the first time he comes while thinking of someone in specific, and he can’t quite put his finger on how that makes him feel. It’s just so wrong, on so many levels – and yet it feels like there has never been something as right as this.

Seungyoon understands. Seungyoon knows what is that sensation of alienation and uncertainty that has always belonged to him. Seungyoon gets it, finally.

 

 

Later, Mino rings him. Seungyoon can hear the anger in his voice and doesn’t complain when he orders him to get his ass down because they need to talk. He tells his mom that he has to go out just for a minute, Mino is waiting for him and they won’t go past the condo park.

Mino’s face is bloated for the punches and red with unhidden irritation. “I can’t believe you were such an asshole and left me there all alone!”

Seungyoon knows he’s right but has no idea how to explain what he went through. He’s sure that’s something he can’t tell Mino, at all. Not for a very long time. “I’m sorry, Mino, I shouldn’t have left you there like that… I was – I wasn’t myself”.

Mino grimaces and Seungyoon can see that it actually hurts him. He raises a hand, fingers flickering over his bruises without touching the swollen skin. “Never do that again”, he says harshly.

Seungyoon feels guiltier than before, partially for what Mino had to endure and for what he has done in the dimness of his room. “I won’t. I promise I’ll never leave your side like that, next time I’ll just fight with you if needed”. He hesitates before speaking again: “We’re best friends for a reason, Song Mino”.

Mino must notice his sincerity because he pulls him in a hug without further complaints – Seungyoon feels breathless but clings on him anyway, glad as his warmth washes out every worry.

“I can’t believe I’m forgiving you, Kang Seungyoon. I’m too good for you”. He mutters against his neck, sighing.

Seungyoon stays quiet for a long while before replying. “Yes, you are”.


	2. twenty-one years old

      **Jinu hyung**

     (02:31): If you see my bandmates at your place just collect them >:D

     (02:35): I mean kick them to our rehearsal room

     (02:38): I bet they’re hiding there. If they’ve won your silence with food, remember who I am. You don’t want to see my wrath!!!

Mino looks at his phone with amusement, typing a lazy ‘I’m not home yet’ while lolling his head to the music blasting from his headphones. He’s on the bus taking him home after a long shift at work in a supermarket, and every strand of his body agrees that nothing is as relevant as his need to merge with his bed and rise again in the night, fresh and alive.

He ignores the buzz of his phone as he gets off the bus and walks slowly, savouring the quiet of early afternoon and the almost empty streets. Everyone is either at work or at home, having lunch. In times like this, it feels like the usual texture of reality loosens, like if there is no one watching it pass, time itself will halt in a prolonged impasse where nothing exists. And Mino is a thief of those instants – the music in his ears is the only sign of the clock ticking forward, and he’s grateful for that.

Mino enjoys noise the most. It’s not like he can’t appreciate quiet moments, their weird sense of expectation for something eventful to happen, and the strange painful lucidity that rises inside him in those moment of isolation. It’s just that he can bear solitude for too long, and he yearns for that feeling of being around other people, for loud laughter and friendly hugs, for the warm anonymous safety of the crowd. Sometimes he thinks he wants to become famous just for that – the crowd and the flare of life it brings inside him.

He quickens his steps on the last flight of stairs to their flat – they had to give up on elevators to get a nice accommodation with two rooms at a decent price – and fishes for his keys in his backpack. He mutters a ‘hello’ in the hallway before getting rid of his shoes and paddles toward their living room/kitchen/Room of Requirement.

He checks his phone and chuckles at Jinwoo accusing him of conniving with two criminals, helping their band to fall apart by letting them skip their rehearsal like it wasn’t important. It’s not his business, Mino has decided long ago. If Seungyoon wants it to happen he can’t do much about it, he can be unsurprisingly stubborn.

The song changes and Mino is still staring at the last text Jinwoo sent him. Normally he would just tease Seungyoon with his aegyo, sure he would reply in the same manner, but it’s been few weeks Mino tiptoes around him, uncertain on how to act. He doesn’t want to come out as too clingy, as someone who can’t keep his needs in check.

Every day, Mino chokes the lonely monster living inside him, that one asking to never be ignored by Seungyoon’s eyes, to be cherished and loved like there is no one else in the world. Mino knows there are boundaries he shouldn’t cross, and that it’s not sane to feel the need to control his best friend’s life.

He doesn’t want to fight with Seungyoon ever again, not like last time, when he couldn’t bring himself to smile at the news of him and Taehyun dating. He doesn’t want to let that monster out – and to see Seungyoon’s glare turning cold in doubt toward him.

 

*

 

“I’ve found a boyfriend”, Seungyoon says while leaning on their couch, an arm hooked around Mino’s neck, “and he might be _it_ , you know”.

“It?” – Mino’s voice is laced with uncertainty and something recondite he can’t pinpoint entirely. He shifts in his seat so that he’ll be able to see Seungyoon’s face.

“ _The_ boyfriend.” He smiles fully, with satisfaction and the thrill of a cat having a pray in its pawns. He softens in a rounder sincere smile a second later, his eyes looking afar. “I mean, someone that is not just a fling, someone I want to love with my whole self”.

Mino has questions stuck in his throat, but he only manages to grunt in reply. Seungyoon seems excited like those times he comes up with plans and ideas he has hidden from Mino for a long time – it’s always like that: he doesn’t do it with malice, it’s just that Seungyoon has a lot going on under the surface and he talks about it only when he feels ready.

The act itself of him sharing his mind is something important, to treasure; something that only Mino can witness. Seungyoon talking about one of his relationships with him, though, is entirely new and Mino doesn’t know how to handle it. It feels like this one is meaningful enough to be mentioned, unlike all the others people he has met. Mino knows he did, just that while he won’t keep his mouth shut even for a crush lasting few hours, Seungyoon will only joke around about the weird sex habits he’s seen during his encounters. They still laugh at that guy who asked him to press his foot on his face.

“It took me a long time to decide what to do… there was a lot at stake and I wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do. It probably wasn’t, but I couldn’t help myself”. Seungyoon seems somehow content of his decision, without regrets, almost elated at the thought of it, and Mino knows he should be happy for him. He should be congratulating him.

“Is he Taehyun?”, he asks instead, with a touch of resentment impending onto his words. Because it must be him, Mino reasons, like he has suspected since a long time ago. He was somehow expecting this kind of announcement.

Seungyoon is quiet for a long instant, enough for it to be awkward and assenting. “I thought I was good at-“

“You were quite obvious” – of course he was, because Mino is always looking at him and knows him the best. His mouth is full with a bitter aftertaste he can’t swallow down and he’s angry for some unknown reason, something he _didn’t_ expect to feel. “I just hoped you would drop it after a while”.

Seungyoon is clearly surprised by his tone and pulls his arm away from Mino, twisting his body so that he’ll face him. His brow is furrowed in something that looks a lot like disappointment. “I thought you would be happy for me, you know, being my best friend after all”.

 _I am_ – Mino wants to say, maybe not. The words die in his throat, choked by a wave of dark needs and bloody anger that leave him breathless. Burning too fast, all by himself. “You’re going to fuck up your own band, Seungyoon… It’s always about love, don’t you know? You can’t just think it will work well when your career is involved! You know more than I do how romance screwed all those rock bands”.

“The fuck you know”, Seungyoon gets up from the couch, turning to look at him, his lean figure shaken by emotions he can’t hold back. “I’ll make it work somehow, I’m tough enough to manage this the way I do with everything in my life”.

“You just think you can control everything by yourself, like you don’t need any help or advice or anything else – one day it’s gonna break you apart”. Mino stands so he can look at him without craning his neck. “Don’t be surprised if you’ll be helpless and alone by then”.

“If I can’t walk by my own, I can’t walk with others”. He sounds decisive, merciless, like no one can’t touch him deep inside, under his strong appearance. It’s where Mino wants to reach, where he’s wishing to leave a mark.

Mino knows where Seungyoon is coming from: while he’s been spoiled by his family, loved by his siblings, cherished by his parents, Seungyoon has always had only his mother and the fear of disappointing her. He’s the man of their house, someone who can’t cry in front of others, someone who looks soft and kind and gentle but is resilient inside – Mino knows him the best.

“Then don’t you dare be unhappy, Kang Seungyoon. There is no room for mistakes in your grand plan, so you must make it work all by yourself”.

He walks away, before he says something more.

 

 

“You’re just jealous”, Seunghoon tells him from over his bowl of bibimbap. It’s late in the night, some hours and few beers after the biggest fight Mino and Seungyoon had since middle school, maybe ever.

Jiho, Kyung, Pyo, they’re good at the drinking part, but that’s all he can ask them. Seunghoon is the only one who would listen to his complaints and actually give a smart solution to his problems, but it seems like Mino has overestimated him.

“I’m not – he’s not my – he’s just my friend, hyung”.

Seunghoon rolls his eyes over his bowl. “Yes, sure”. Mino is ready to fight him but Seunghoon keeps talking after putting the chopsticks down. “But you can be jealous of friends too. Even more if it’s Seungyoon, we all know you care about him in a special way. You feel like this because it’s the first time something might get serious in his life and you’re afraid of being pushed aside”.

Mino grimaces at that but nods nevertheless. That makes sense. He suddenly feels way better now that he knows how to easily name the excruciating feeling he had inside his chest all day long. “And I’m afraid he’ll fuck up his life with this, please don’t forget”.

Seunghoon picks a chunk of kimchi, eats it, bobs his head at his words. “But it’s ok. From what I know of Seungyoon, he’s not someone who lets other people down. He’s smart enough to never fuck up, not really. And he’s always there supporting you in everything you do, even more than Jiho hyung would do sometimes. He truly cares about you, he would never leave you behind”.

Mino grins for the first time that night.

 

*

 

Mino leaves his phone in his room along with his headphones and walks back to the living room, wondering if they’re really at home. From the shoes at the entry it could be true, because among the mess of sneakers and creepers there was a pair of leather boots and they scream Nam Taehyun in cubital letters.

He heads to Seungyoon’s room without hurry, worrying he might be interrupting something. Everything seems still, almost too silent to be normal – they’re probably napping, Mino reasons, it’s not like any of them has a sleep schedule that can be considered regular anyway.

His fist stops midway, before he can knock at his door, when he hears it. It takes him few seconds before he understands, few instants in which he wonders if he’s misheard something and he’s just imagining things.

But he’s not, because a second sound greets him just when he’s decided he must have dreamed the first one. Soft, pliant, like the faintest of purrs.

It shakes Mino in his entirety, like an electric shock that jumps from joint to joint and destroys the foundation of his existence. Mino’s fist is still in the air and he has the urge to withdraw it along with his whole self, but at the same time he can’t move an inch.

Another louder noise comes from the room, a moan of sheer pleasure that isn’t stopped by the wall between them – and god, does Seungyoon sound like this when he’s having sex?

He shouldn’t know at all, or even think about it. He just should go away before it’s too late for –

Mino curses at Seungyoon’s next lewd whimper and the muffled words they say and Mino can’t hear, and even more he curses at himself because his voice goes straight to his cock with a pulsating ferocity that shocks him.

He should truly take his first step toward the living room, leave that spot, turn his back to this before he regrets it, but his hand naturally goes from clenched in a fist to being flat against the door separating him from them, and his breath hitches as Seungyoon’s moans get more frequent.

Mino can easily imagine his reddened face, his slightly parted lips, his hair damp with sweat – and he shouldn’t, he has to stop – and the way he would look, so open, exposed, ready to put his heart on his sleeves – so freaking fucked, so much that he can’t help the scream –

Mino groans, mutes the roar at the back of his throat, and rests his body on the cold wall without even thinking. The blood in his veins is burning dangerously, pulsing just as much as his erection, and he’s too wrecked to do the smart thing this time.

He feels dazed yet completely alive at every sound that seeps through the wall, the way Seungyoon’s voice bends and rises, the picture of him in his mind, just as screwed as he sounds – and Mino can’t help the hand slipping inside his trousers and grabbing at his cock.

He knows the weight of it, just as much as what he needs to do to come in few minutes, but everything feels different with Seungyoon’s voice in his ears. Stronger, vibrant, somehow unknown and yet pleasurably familiar. Something that makes his brain stop working while it burns him from inside.

His cock twitches in his hand, responding to a louder longer moan, and Mino jerks himself harder, not wanting to lose the momentum, not wanting to come after Seungyoon. He closes his eyes and dreams and lets that voice do it for him. It doesn’t take him long to come, warm and sticky inside his underwear.

Mino sighs, eyes still shut, his head pounding with sudden migraine as Seungyoon screams one last time, his voice high-pitched and unleashed and utterly beautiful. Mino feels lost, with no ground under his feet.

After that, he rushes to take a cold shower, hoping it will give him back a bit of sanity and he’ll be able to forget the sound of his needy and satisfied groans. He has to, because he’s already definitely going to hell and he doesn’t want to add more sins to his unbearable mountain of bad actions.

He tries to shut up his brain during the whole shower, icy water freezing him and the scorching need at the pit of his stomach, barely sated by the orgasm. He stays there until he’s shaking for the cold, goose bumps all over his skin.

It takes him some other minutes to calm down, but by then he’s ready to go back to his room. He stops in his wake just because he hasn’t eaten yet and he could really use some cookies right now, and almost curses at loud when he sees Seungyoon in the kitchen area of their shared room.

Seungyoon notices him with the tail of his eyes and beams at him and Mino can’t stop himself from taking in his flushed appearance, the curly mess of his hair and the dark red mark on his neck that wasn’t there yesterday.

Mino finds his throat dry as Seungyoon talks to him. “Did you just get home? How was work?”

How can he sound so innocent when Mino is sure that no one he knows could produce such lewd moans? All the girls he fucked can’t compete, for sure. And shit, he’s thinking back at few minutes before, and Seungyoon isn’t helping at all because Mino can smell the sex on him, sweaty and warm and inviting.

He seriously needs to pray harder tonight before he goes to sleep. Ask for redemption.

“So?”, Seungyoon inquires again, a wide smile on his lips.

Mino grimaces. “Jinwoo is looking for you two... you should go to the rehearsals before he kills you”. He turns his back to him and flies before Seungyoon has the time to reply, like the coward he is.

When he’s in his room, he crashes on the floor. He’s sure he’s almost dying, heartbeat loud in his ears, and maybe this is the rightful punishment for what he has done. But he doesn’t care when, even more than feeling guilty, something gnaws at him heartlessly.

He’s supposed to be straight, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... I'll go.  
> (Let me know your feelings because personally I'm dying here)

**Author's Note:**

> DId you ever wonder how Seungyoon realized he wasn't straight? Now you know.


End file.
